Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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