Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
