Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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