If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I did not marry a roomba.
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