my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
