I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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