Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
