whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't put those talents on a resume
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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