Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
