You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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