four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
