xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
