Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
