I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
