i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
