M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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