My first STD was from a foam party
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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