just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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