It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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