my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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