i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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