Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just had sex bonerless
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
