He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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