haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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