Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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