That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
