the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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