i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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