I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
