I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
