before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
