I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
