Me too!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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