Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
