The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
