i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
