laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize