I've blown a few things in my day
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
