this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
