i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
