I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
