I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
