its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
