I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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