I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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