YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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