nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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