how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
