Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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