Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
