...so i touched it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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