My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
