I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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