At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
