This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
