Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
