before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
