the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
