if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
