its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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