I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Two words: nipple clamps
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