I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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