Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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