It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
