that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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